|| human

feelings are for humans and

feelings are what I lack 

cares are what I need this time
not this numb and lifeless face I find

the mirror shows those dark eyes of mine  

the ones that can conquer the world but are void of light
the ones that softened for a season 

but then welcomed the night

the ones that chose strength 

now cling to fear 

the ones that knew life 

hold death too near 

where did the kind one go to hide? 

with a smile on her face 

and bright shining eyes
she was here not long ago, 

dancing with the sunshine

now she carries shadows 

through late hours
now she's left empathy to die
she watches honor and honesty fall behind

when did the strong one forget to fly?
now she battles with old ghosts and new
she's forgotten her victories were never few
she's forgotten to keep her eyes to the sky
she lost the voice that told her to try

this girl once so filled with hope
she left behind a pathetic sight 

only a dark eyed girl to cope
she left behind all wrongs or rights
emptied days and confused nights

I found her here kneeling 

eyes searching the ceiling 

with a hole ready for filling

and heart reaching for feeling

hands open for receiving 

soul clinging to believing 

body desperate for Your healing 

feelings are for humans

and I long to be one again

|| It does

you aren't wrong;
It does hurt

and whats worse is your memory comes and goes
like proof that you can't quite hold tight to

you wear that pain like a blanket
i feel it sometimes when i take your hand
i see it at night when it leaves a shadow
its so familiar sometimes i let you share it with me

its tiring isn't it, carrying that around so often
you got used to it a while back, but that doesn't mean its part of you

i've seen you wear joy before, like a bracelet on your arm
it looked so good on you but you felt uncomfortable with it
maybe you need to practice putting the bracelet on
and leaving the blanket at home sometimes

you tell me this always was and always is
you tell me change is out of reach
but you aren't right;
it does get better

hard to believe it when the weight comes back
it pins your mind again, turning thoughts upside down
causing emotions to spin a little too fast
leaving feelings behind again

i know your eyes are used to the dark
but we can take it slowly this time
hand me the blanket, i'll light you a candle
keep your eyes on mine and i'll lead you out of the tunnel

you don't know this but I used to live in that same black night
i know the way out and its real this time.

i know you don't believe it now, but you'll feel again
let the light touch your skin, and let the wind unwind your tangled sin
leave it behind once and for all
all the hurt they gave you
and all the pain you returned
i'll give you the love I've found
the kind of love we never earned

|| always

I run, I stumble, always seeking
I worry, I wonder, always dreaming

change is on my heels
despair is in my hand
healing calls me forward, but shame is on my shoulder
draining me of my strength to stand.

I cry, I question, always fighting

will I always be alone?
will I ever be alive?
will I always be too lost to see?

silence is the consistent answer
echoing through the void inside me

I trip, I fall, always breaking

I long to be washed clean
take these layers far from me

this desert is deceiving
stealing, draining, never filling
this darkness is entrapping
numbing, tricking, never giving
I long to be set free

I've been so blind to You

You chase, You call, always rescuing
my ever present help.

You fill, You fight, always caring
My ever loving Father

You have always been with me
By my side
Through the night
Whispering
Reaching
Guarding

  Always